When You Feel Nothing

An impromptu blog. And I don't know how this will turn out.

Aside from what I felt a few hours ago about my dog potentially being sick and away from him, it seems that I feel nothing majority of the time.

Living alone, working alone (most of the time), being inside my own bubble. Being an introvert makes these very easy tasks. These make me also think alone, talk to myself and sometimes do this - document.

This question comes to mind - what are people dealing with in their everyday lives.

But then, you see the news, you see lesser fortunate individuals, families deal with their lowly lives day after day. Sickness, poverty, slavery and a whole lot more.

Then you think again, would you still want to feel something? Immediate and appropriate answer is... of course!

Now I realize that I feel a lot every single moment.

Sad - That's the reason why I started typing here

Lonely - You know what, while I prefer being alone most of the time, it would always be nice to know that someone will just be there and say that things will just be fine. I don't have that constant companion for more than 9 years already... and counting.

Confused - On where life will lead me. I know God is bringing me closer to that, but as of now I'm still in a blur.

Bored - I am used to be busy when at work, but guess what, I am doing this. While I have a document to finish, I am taking time so I can do something tomorrow. I don't want to get used to not being busy.

But despite all those negative feelings...

Thankful and super blessed.

God has blessed me so much even when I don't deserve it. I say this over and over again because it's true. Looking at other people not as 'fortunate' as you are, you would ask why. And then I answer (talking to myself again, huh?). It's all about mindset, it's all about faith and knowing that God suffered way worse that any other living (or dead) person there is or was. And why He did that, because of LOVE. I may feel lonely, sad, betrayed at times. In this state and condition. But I won't be surprised if someone who is not that fortunate is happier in life than I am.

Sometimes, we feel that nothing is happening. This is because we keep on looking outside going in. Most of the time we look at the surface. What we need to do more often is to look inside going out. How we feel deep inside after everything that is happening and has happened will make us realize that life is way better than we always think.

Surprising that this blog turned out like this. Amazing. Thank you, Lord.

However, I will not feel this every moment. After posting this, I may feel nothing... or different again. But one thing is sure, I can always look up... and inside.

Wow. I should do this more often.