I can still clearly remember the last hours. It was the morning shifters’ turn (BJ and I) to look after you. At lunchtime, I went home and Ninang’s place to get something. I thought it was just a regular day at the ICU, until that phone call while I’m at a jeepney drive back to the hospital.
It was the ICU nurse, asking me to go back to the hospital right away.
The traffic was a bit heavy so I went on and just ran going to the hospital. I didn’t know how fast I ran but my only aim was just to be with you that time.
The next thing I saw was a barrage of nurses and two doctors around you. BJ was there, weeping. I knew that this is something different so we hurriedly called Daddy, Ate, Dean and Jen to go the hospital right away.
Your oxygen level was very low that you were given the highest dosage of meds, but there was no response. We saw you struggling to breathe; the doctor said you had cardiac arrest. A few minutes after, the doctor approached me and BJ on possibilities – he asked if we’d like to still try to revive. I told him to do whatever it takes. He instructed the nurses to do CPR and then give her shocks and another dose of meds, and wait for 30 minutes. Doc said that if there’s no response, we’d have to let you go.
Thirty minutes went by so fast, doc instructed everyone to remove the instruments. We had to let you go. I went near to your ear and said, “pahinga ka na.”
Days, then weeks, then months and now years. Everything was very clear as if it was yesterday. I still feel the pain every time I remember you, not because I haven’t accepted your passing, but a part of us always feel empty.
Placed this here not because you’ll see it, because you never will. It’s just my expression on how I miss you because..
I miss you so much, Mommy… so much.
