Goodbye, Almost Lover

I was on my way to the dentist one afternoon when I heard a new song over the taxi's radio. Curious with the song, I listened to the words and suddenly heard myself singing along... one of those very rare moments, I told myself.

The term 'almost lover' may differ in meaning for each person. It may be someone you are courting but got basted, or your MU (mag-un!), or a friend whom you fell in love with, or someone you are just looking from afar.

I relate myself with this song because I really want him to be happy but know that I can't give it to him. Why? Simply because I'm not the one he loves.

I decided to let go of this feeling more than a month ago but it came back... not liking it at all.

It's hard loving someone from a distance. I so want to show how much care and love I can give but knowing his current state, it's almost impossible.

One thing that I am thankful of is I learned to keep my feelings to myself...

Anyway, here's the song...

and the lyrics

Goodbye My Almost Lover

You fingertips against my skin

The palm trees swaying in the wind

Images

You sang me spanish lullabies

The sweetest sadness in your eyes

Clever trick

I never want to see you unhappy

I thought you’d want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover

Goodbye, my hopeless dream

I’m trying not to think about you

Can’t you just let me be?

So long, my luckless romance

My back is turned on you

I should’ve known you’d bring me heartache

Almost lovers always do

We walked along a crowded street

You took my hand and danced with me

Images

And when you left you kissed my lips

You told me you’d never ever forget these images, no

I never want to see you unhappy

I thought you’d want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover

Goodbye, my hopeless dream

I’m trying not to think about you

Can’t you just let me be?

So long, my luckless romance

My back is turned on you

I should’ve known you’d bring me heartache

Almost lovers always do

I cannot go to the ocean

I cannot drive the streets at night

I cannot wake up in the morning

Without you on my mind

So you’re gone and I’m haunted

And I bet you are just fine

Did I make it that easy for you

To walk right in and out of my life?

Goodbye, my almost lover

Goodbye, my hopeless dream

I’m trying not to think about you

Can’t you just let me be?

So long, my luckless romance

My back is turned on you

I should’ve known you’d bring me heartache

Almost lovers always do

Why again?

I am trying my very best, of course with God's grace to let go of this feeling but why am I feeling it again? I can't be dragged by emotions to another heartache... i don't know if i am really strong enough to face another one.

I just want everything to be in order, no complications. But being human is complicated as is and that's where the problem comes in. It is a complete package of you and everything inside and outside of you.

Help me Lord, please help me in letting go of this feeling... this can't be!

Bothered...

It's already 2am, have to wake up at 6:30 for the Sunday Service... well, I have a couple of reasons:

1. I'm playing Plants vs. zombies! heheh!

2. Trying out my Globe Tattoo... it works well but there are times that i can't access a thing

3. I want to post something that bothers me... and here it is:

In the coming days i'll go home to spend the holidays with my family. This is the 2nd year that i'm doing this, still associating with my past, huh?

Aside from the holiday season, I will also take time off from work for a week though I am 99% sure that I'll call my seniors once in a while.

It's also Alvin and Mhay's wedding on January 9. I'm so excited for both of them because i somewhat saw how the years went through them... they are also my friends, especially Mhay.

As expected, we will sing at the wedding and reception. And of course since my ex is part of the group, he's also invited and he will definitely bring along his wife. That's what i am worried about...

Again, don't get me wrong. I am not hoping that we'll be back -- that would be very very impossible because he's married. What I am worried is how i will react once i see him for the first time after the breakup more than a year ago. I know there's a bit of anger with everything that had happened and the damage that it made.

This will be my main prayer from here on...

Another Revelation

Yesterday, my sister told me that our eldest sis finally showed up... with a plus. She carried a 4-month old baby which happened to be her child (gender was not specified). There's no dad, meaning, Ate doesn't have a husband. Now, two of my sisters are single moms. I am so blessed.

Pondering on what happened to my sisters made me realize how blessed I am. Though I don't have a love partner right now, at least I will not make innocent lives miserable because they don't have a dad. God must have been preparing this man to match my criteria (hehehe). Whoever that man is, he will be very very special. He must a good and loving father my children and a loving and protective husband to me. I will be his life partner and best friend - will give all my love and affection to our family and support him in every way I can. God will be the center of our lives, definitely.

Haaaaayyy, when will that be?

He's Married

Yes. I just found out that my ex-boyfriend just got married a couple of weeks ago. Crap! I didn't know that I will feel something weird.

Don't get me wrong... I am not in love with him anymore and I can honestly say that. However, this keeps me asking when my man will come.

I know that God is preparing the best husband for me... someone who can sing or play an instrument with me, someone who is intelligent and can carry a conversation, not to mention that this guy should be financially, emotionally and spiritually ready. But I think i'm getting impatient already. I'm not getting any younger and I would like to be with someone who will spend my years with.

Lord, let this man come to my life.

Old pics... Beautiful Memories

I opened my yahoo mail and accidentally clicked all the way to the earliest email saved... then i saw this email i from my company email... it was an email from Al... pictures pala namin on one of our Christmas parties which was held at Eric's house. It brought back beautiful memories...

http://good-times.webshots.com/album/556572952kXtSOU

hehehe!!! Enjoy! :)

Why?

Why am I allowing myself to feel like this?
It's been a while since I realized something... it just happened, very unexpected.

I posted before that love is a matter of choice, not only feelings. This is what I've learned in my previous relationship and reviving my relationship with God.

I know what I feel is wrong because of soooo many reasons...but then again, here i am, feeling what I am currently feeling.

I just want this to end. Right here, right now. so easy to say, huh? May God help me. :)