Goodbye, Almost Lover

I was on my way to the dentist one afternoon when I heard a new song over the taxi's radio. Curious with the song, I listened to the words and suddenly heard myself singing along... one of those very rare moments, I told myself.

The term 'almost lover' may differ in meaning for each person. It may be someone you are courting but got basted, or your MU (mag-un!), or a friend whom you fell in love with, or someone you are just looking from afar.

I relate myself with this song because I really want him to be happy but know that I can't give it to him. Why? Simply because I'm not the one he loves.

I decided to let go of this feeling more than a month ago but it came back... not liking it at all.

It's hard loving someone from a distance. I so want to show how much care and love I can give but knowing his current state, it's almost impossible.

One thing that I am thankful of is I learned to keep my feelings to myself...

Anyway, here's the song...

and the lyrics

Goodbye My Almost Lover

You fingertips against my skin

The palm trees swaying in the wind

Images

You sang me spanish lullabies

The sweetest sadness in your eyes

Clever trick

I never want to see you unhappy

I thought you’d want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover

Goodbye, my hopeless dream

I’m trying not to think about you

Can’t you just let me be?

So long, my luckless romance

My back is turned on you

I should’ve known you’d bring me heartache

Almost lovers always do

We walked along a crowded street

You took my hand and danced with me

Images

And when you left you kissed my lips

You told me you’d never ever forget these images, no

I never want to see you unhappy

I thought you’d want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover

Goodbye, my hopeless dream

I’m trying not to think about you

Can’t you just let me be?

So long, my luckless romance

My back is turned on you

I should’ve known you’d bring me heartache

Almost lovers always do

I cannot go to the ocean

I cannot drive the streets at night

I cannot wake up in the morning

Without you on my mind

So you’re gone and I’m haunted

And I bet you are just fine

Did I make it that easy for you

To walk right in and out of my life?

Goodbye, my almost lover

Goodbye, my hopeless dream

I’m trying not to think about you

Can’t you just let me be?

So long, my luckless romance

My back is turned on you

I should’ve known you’d bring me heartache

Almost lovers always do

Why again?

I am trying my very best, of course with God's grace to let go of this feeling but why am I feeling it again? I can't be dragged by emotions to another heartache... i don't know if i am really strong enough to face another one.

I just want everything to be in order, no complications. But being human is complicated as is and that's where the problem comes in. It is a complete package of you and everything inside and outside of you.

Help me Lord, please help me in letting go of this feeling... this can't be!

Bothered...

It's already 2am, have to wake up at 6:30 for the Sunday Service... well, I have a couple of reasons:

1. I'm playing Plants vs. zombies! heheh!

2. Trying out my Globe Tattoo... it works well but there are times that i can't access a thing

3. I want to post something that bothers me... and here it is:

In the coming days i'll go home to spend the holidays with my family. This is the 2nd year that i'm doing this, still associating with my past, huh?

Aside from the holiday season, I will also take time off from work for a week though I am 99% sure that I'll call my seniors once in a while.

It's also Alvin and Mhay's wedding on January 9. I'm so excited for both of them because i somewhat saw how the years went through them... they are also my friends, especially Mhay.

As expected, we will sing at the wedding and reception. And of course since my ex is part of the group, he's also invited and he will definitely bring along his wife. That's what i am worried about...

Again, don't get me wrong. I am not hoping that we'll be back -- that would be very very impossible because he's married. What I am worried is how i will react once i see him for the first time after the breakup more than a year ago. I know there's a bit of anger with everything that had happened and the damage that it made.

This will be my main prayer from here on...

Another Revelation

Yesterday, my sister told me that our eldest sis finally showed up... with a plus. She carried a 4-month old baby which happened to be her child (gender was not specified). There's no dad, meaning, Ate doesn't have a husband. Now, two of my sisters are single moms. I am so blessed.

Pondering on what happened to my sisters made me realize how blessed I am. Though I don't have a love partner right now, at least I will not make innocent lives miserable because they don't have a dad. God must have been preparing this man to match my criteria (hehehe). Whoever that man is, he will be very very special. He must a good and loving father my children and a loving and protective husband to me. I will be his life partner and best friend - will give all my love and affection to our family and support him in every way I can. God will be the center of our lives, definitely.

Haaaaayyy, when will that be?

He's Married

Yes. I just found out that my ex-boyfriend just got married a couple of weeks ago. Crap! I didn't know that I will feel something weird.

Don't get me wrong... I am not in love with him anymore and I can honestly say that. However, this keeps me asking when my man will come.

I know that God is preparing the best husband for me... someone who can sing or play an instrument with me, someone who is intelligent and can carry a conversation, not to mention that this guy should be financially, emotionally and spiritually ready. But I think i'm getting impatient already. I'm not getting any younger and I would like to be with someone who will spend my years with.

Lord, let this man come to my life.

Old pics... Beautiful Memories

I opened my yahoo mail and accidentally clicked all the way to the earliest email saved... then i saw this email i from my company email... it was an email from Al... pictures pala namin on one of our Christmas parties which was held at Eric's house. It brought back beautiful memories...

http://good-times.webshots.com/album/556572952kXtSOU

hehehe!!! Enjoy! :)

Why?

Why am I allowing myself to feel like this?
It's been a while since I realized something... it just happened, very unexpected.

I posted before that love is a matter of choice, not only feelings. This is what I've learned in my previous relationship and reviving my relationship with God.

I know what I feel is wrong because of soooo many reasons...but then again, here i am, feeling what I am currently feeling.

I just want this to end. Right here, right now. so easy to say, huh? May God help me. :)

It's Been a While

It's really been a whils since I posted something here... Been so busy with lots of things these past weeks. I broke my promise to post our team building pictures here... but there were lots! and i don't think the site can handle it! lolz!

Anyway, as mentioned, I've been busy and most of the time was consumed (and is still being consumed) by my work... and i just can't help it!

One thing that I don't like though is what my emotions currently speak... I've been through heartaches and I just don't want to add one. You might be confused... you might be asking if I am currently inlove or in a relationship. Apparently, my answer is nope, just confused.

Sharing everything to even one person will definitely make noise... that's why I prefer keeping this between me and God. He's the best secret-keeper! :)

It's been a while...

Since I posted something here... well, I've been very very busy these past few weeks...

i'll be posting some after our team building... :)

Answer to Onin's "Whatever you sow is what others will reap..."

That's what I am currently experiencing... I feel that I am being robbed!!!

Still - Hillsong

The Lord is telling us that He should give direction to our lives, not us... so be still...

Hide me now

Under your wings

Cover me

Within Your mighty hands

When the oceans rise and thunders roar

I will soar with You, above the storm

Father, You are king over the flood

I will be still and know You are God

Find rest my soul, in Christ alone

Know His power, in quietness and trust

Still Hurting

The series of events happened this week up to present (still ongoing) is my lowest point since the breakup. I feel very low and angry and there are lots of mixed emotions... the problem is, i cannot disclose it (but I know everyone feels it).

I know the Lord is testing me on this... on some instances i failed. However, one thing is for sure... I still will declare victory over everything because I know and I am sure that God is with me.

Everything has its purpose of happening. Though I still yet to know the purpose, I need first to accept that it's happening... face and not deny. It's hard, really really hard. I'm in that process.

I don't do this mainly for myself, really. It's for those people who will be affected if I will not accept... my beloved team. They just mean so much to me. I might sound corny but it's the truth...

I say fine.
I say so be it.
I say I can't do anything about it.

and I say... though my heart is crushed and still torn into pieces, I have to pick each part one by one, slowly but surely and accept that everything has its purpose... there is victory in Jesus' name.

Passing By...

Let me know your thoughts on this...

"loving someone is not all about emotions... it's more about choices..."

My Concentrix Davao QA Team

Two years ago, it was just me and Lean (one of CDO's Senior Specialists) - and I'm referring to ppl who are physically reporting in DVO.

Now, we are 18... how time pass by so fast...

The QA room is now too small for us...

The extension area makes us 'miss' each other everyday... hehehe

We have to get extra chairs now if ever we have meetings in the Conference Room

Skype is a great tool now... more than ever


I am so proud of my team... i really hope and pray that we continue to be one...

The QA Davao Team

Guys row - Alex, Lenard, Julian, Carlo, Lito, Rex and Leewin

Gals row - RR, Riza, Jessica, Mellow, Nini, ME, Lala, Adelle, Lyka, Twinkle and Dyne

Missing Ralph...

The Music Team admin were at Chinkee Tan's seminar (which is by the way the best seminar I attended so far) and Shaui was able to give the pictures from our company's family day. Shaui and Ralph are my guests and obvoiusly, Maybelle is Josh's (hehe). Anyway, after seeing our last pics with him before he went to Manila the day after, I missed him again... sad that someone who's dear to me (take note, we just met last February... hehehe) have to go... but I really pray that he'll get a good job to help his family...
Here are some pictures (and the PWT is shouting... we miss you, Ralph!)

CDO Friends...

I was so happy last weekend... I got to bond with my CDO friends (Aya w/hubby Ian, Yan2 w/ hubby Wewet, Meong - i so miss this guy and Bunny - of course, one of my babies!) Pictures will show how the bonding went... scuba pics to follow :)

with Bunny and Meong at Kai's Bar (Jack's Ridge)

Mother Mitzi, Aya and Ian

posing sa stairs... gutom na kami after... hehehe!

with the BFFs :)

with Michelle

that's why i'm wearing a lifevest! :)

parang ako lang ata and Aya and nag wacky! hehehe!

pa-cuteness... hehehe!

my two loves in CDO, Bunny and Aya

mga may posisyon daw... beware! hahaha!

while waiting for Mellow (and the food!)

before we went to the boat...

sign waiver and posing muna!!!

stop sa beach after lunch

Bunny as Jaiden (Aya and Ian's baby girl)... heheeh!

Under the Sea.. part 2!

Thanks to Mellow (belated happy birthday again!) that I got the chance to see the gardens under the sea again... Yes! We went scuba diving today!

Forget the panic because of my breath losing (or should i say not using the breathing gear properly? hehehe), hurting ears because of the pressure (i am now a master of equalizing!haha!)... the corals, shells, fishes, etc etc are really really nice! It's like you don't want to go up anymore, it's much better under the sea!

I was with a new batch this time... Meong, Bunny, Yan2, Wewet, Aya and Ian... CDO peeps! :) People that I really miss in Cagayan de Oro... which makes me think, when is the best time for me to visit CDO? Hmmm... I have a very busy travelling sched starting next month... maybe after my Singapore trip... hehehe!!! I don't want to be alone though, so I hope to tag some along... hehehe!!! I will post the pics one I have it from Bunny, Aya and the divemasters :)

CX Family Day!

Yesterday was our company's family day... our team was assigned to be the registration team. It was very tiring and stressful... lots of hard-headed employees and i have to go one place after the other with lots of steep passages and stairs.

The whole QA team was supposed to be there at 11:30pm to prepare and eat lunch. However, I was stucked in a meeting right after a seminar/small talk (and photo-op... hehehe) from our VP. I can't just go... Good thing this is not the first time that the team became the reg team, they knew what to do already... so proud of all of them. :) I was actually surprised that they innovated the process, it looked like the elections! hahaha! but that made the process easier... good job Carlo!

As I've said, there are some employees who just don't know how to follow guidelines or regulations. Well, this goes to show that common sense is not really common after all... hahaha!

Another thing that made this Family Day memorable is I got to have my own visitor for the very first time! I picked Ralph because it's his last day in Davao and I'd like to bond with him together with the PWT... I also got to bring Shaui... We had cute pics... i'll post it when I get it from her (thanks to Joseph's cam). It was a mix of laughter and sadness... I will really miss my little-big brother.

Then came 5:45... it's time to pick up the guest band... none other than Parokya ni Edgar!! I got the chance, together with the some members of the team to be their official guide. There were some miscommunication but everything went okay in the end. Everyone did a great job in maintaining the security within the PNE area. The concert was a blast! I really don't want to attend an outdoor concert... but this one will really make you just stand and rock on! They are really great and Chito (the vocalist) did a great job in getting the crowd go wild!


The concert went for an hour with 11 songs. Right after that, they went to their resting area and changed clothes. Then it's time for them to go... and I guided them to the van. Unfortunately, they didn't want to be split into two groups, so Carlo and Mellow were not able to join anymore. It was just me and Julie, the Admin Manager.

Before going back to the hotel, they had dinner at one of the restos near the place. And I got the chance to have a nice picture with Chito... yehey!

Overall, the experience made me realize two things - it's hard to secure a celeb and I really need to stop being fat!!! hahaha!!!

Other pictures are saved on my facebook account - http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2013956&id=1597327949&l=647b40471d

My Lappy is Back!!!

Well, yes. It's realy my fault why we were separated... learned my lesson the hard way! hahaha! But now that I have her back (thanks to Mellow and her BF, Jong), the first thing that I did was to update the anti-virus sofware that they installed... Mellow just knew me that well to install one because she knows that I'll just browse the net and be carefree again! haha!!!

Anyway, my blooging life is back! though I have not posted something that I sensible to be read by someone I don't know.

Btw, my weekend was generally okay... music ministry, church service and cell group. Kinda boring for some but I feel recharged after everything and I know I will be starting the week right. :)

Tomorrow will be a series of events again... I think it will be concluded by Ralph's send-off party... sad, but if God want him to serve in Manila (and Canada), so be it. I'll miss him though... love you brother! :)

Long Weekend is Over...

Most people are sad that the Holy Week holidays are over... ironically, I am not. I am actually excited how this new week will go... despite of work pressures, demands, reports, what else? I'm excited to sit on my desk... to see my dirty station, to see my officemates and my team, to talk to my boss (I'm kind of used to the pressures that came with her... heheh...) and my colleagues. I'm excited to have my laptop reinstalled with WinXP so that I could download one of my favorite programs... and make my very first vocal arrangement for my friend...

There are lots to look forward to if you just think of the good side of life, not just complain of what's lacking and difficult to handle.

Life is so good... you just need to keep what's good and throw the waste. Though I know it's not easy, just accept that it's complicated :)

...passing by... again!

This time, I just came from PWT practice. 'twas a really special one. Though I'm bothered by one of the members who I think the reason for joining is not same as the most of us. He'd like just his voice to be heard... which really saddens me. I asked help from Josh and Drei... I hope tomorrow will be better. We're sharing a boom microphone and when we heard the recording, my voice was not heard at all... as if i don't exist. What I really want is for our voices to blend... I really hope and pray that tomorrow will be better... :)

Emotions from the Past

In my previous post, I already mentioned that I've fully forgiven those who treated me wrong... including the man behind my past relationship. Thanks to Claire (hehe), what happened in the past 11 years went back (it's okay Claire, i'm so much okay to discuss it now)...

Eleven years... eleven years of fun, tears, anger and love... I know that most of the years that we were together, we loved each other. But it's not God's will that we be together, despite of the years.

How we parted ways (well, officially) and events after that were very traumatic. Looking back, I still feel the pain... i sometimes feel the anger... I still weep sometimes. But at the same time, I appreciated what I've learned after everything. In my Facebook notes, I mentioned that one of the things that I appreciated was my friends... friends who never left me in those trying times... for the words of encouragement and prayers, thank you... those really helped me a lot! Also my colleagues (friends) and my local team... I was actually surprised on the support they've given.

A bright light is now shining on me after the pain... and all because I have a God who's always there...


Btw, i'm currently listening to "Light of A Million Mornings" rendered by the Philippine Madrigal Singers... it's in my imeem playlist... http://www.imeem.com/people/ovsYFLE/playlist/LsTqod-K/the-one-and-only-madz-music-playlist/


picture from http://stochastix.files.wordpress.com/2007/02/newport-beach-at-sunset.jpg

A Prayer for a Friend

I talked to a friend and he shared his current struggle. I was actually shocked that he shared it with me. Though I am really happy because this will be the way that I can intercede.

I've prayed for him and also some of the people around me to be moved and go back to Him. I know that the Lord is doing it to my friend. So, I pray this short prayer secretly (coz we should not do it publicly... read the Bible)



(photo from http://www.humblewalk.org/path.jpg)

Why Mourn?

Most people deal the Holy Week wrong. Do they know that this actually a week of celebration! Our Lord and savior Jesus Christ died and lived again! This should be a week of victory! Without this point in our history, no one, even the nicest person will enter the kingdom of our Lord...

Please don't misquote me. I'm not saying that don't observe Holy Week, just treat it differently. Of course, we remember Christ's passion and that should be part of our faith...

So why mourn? Let's celebrate Christ's victory!

Decade-long Friends

I am currently in Davao City, where I believe the Lord would like me to work and to serve Him. One fallback though is that I don't have my family and friends with me here to talk to whenever I need someone to talk to or a shoulder to cry on.

I opened my friendster account this morning and saw a message from one of my high school friends – who by the way is one of the good looking guys with a good voice, Henry. Our salutatorian, Richard built a social site for our high school batch. Suddenly, I went to reminiscing mode… hehe…

My high school life was not really as exciting as compared with college. However, I had lots of firsts during high school… I am so excited and happy when I look at my batchmates’ present pictures. Most of them looked successful – I know they are.

Then I saw one of my kumpares’ shoutout – his blogsite. I opened it and commented on one of his posts. He is one of my closest friends since 1^st year college. I am actually one of the godmothers of his daughter. Then I realize… wow! I have a number of decade-long friends and not all have those.

I am really so blessed - a healthy life, a good career, good friends, colleagues and subordinates. I just really hope and pray that I’ll stay here… (dot, dot, dot…)

With God’s grace, we’ll have victory! :)

... passing by

I'm actually doing this from work... hehehe. How? Secret na lang :)

Anyway, this week has been stressful... as always. Lots of demands, questions, reports, blah blah...
Good thing though my team is handling stress very well. I know that they are kind of tired of extending hours at the office to finish tasks but I also know that they understand.

I still pray that what I fear will not happen... please my Lord... help!

Forgiving but not Forgetting

Most people say that he forgives someone but will never forget what happened. I also thought of this before... but heck! What will I benefit from not letting everything go?

I attended a retreat for single members of VCF Davao and Pastor Jeremy prayed for me and just like what I've said to Chona and Que, "swak na swak!" I was in a struggle of forgiving and forgetting everything... until his prayer. The exact words were - let go of the passions of the past... and i just cried... very powerful.

The Lord gave me now the spirit to forgive and forget... but of course to bring the lessons from the experience. I might slide a bit but with God's grace I'll be able to be more mature as a Christian and more devoted to my walk with Him.

I just pray that those people who can't let go of their past encounters with me also forgets everything... besides, you can never walk fast if you have so much load to carry :)

"Get the Meat, Throw the Bones"

I am really glad that i'm back to the worship team this week... Last was a very hectic one for me that i was not able to join them in our practice. We had a good practice and I even had a one-on-one session with Pastor Tom! hehehe!!! Well, he really did't have a choice! I was the only one who was there on time... even earlier than him! :)

After our break, we met and discussed improvement opportunities that was given by the heads of the church - I think these were also feedback from the other members. I believe in continous improvement so most of time, I take feedbacks positively... well now. Then Josh, who happened to also be one of the Trainers in CX said this saying... "Get the meat, throw the bones" which should be our attitude when receiving feedback.

With what is happening in our company... i should apply the said principle. We are being sabotaged by people who I really don't know their intentions.

Well, I also believe that you can never put a good man down... so I am still positive that we'll be able to pull this off! With God's power and mercy, Victory will happen! :)

First Ever... A Neophite Blogger

It's been years since I longed to have a laptop... not really an 'uber bongga' one but i just want the feeling of being mobile and just look at the computer screen while eating, lying down, blah blah...

Now I have one... wipee!!! I am really so happy! Well, it's not that i'm being materialistic or what... it's the fact that I am feeling my hard-earned money again, away from my first comfort zone - Manila.

Now, I can fullfil my other dream - to put up a blog. Nah, I'm not a great writer nor a poet. It's just that I'd like to share a bit of my life to the cyberspace - moments of happiness, loneliness, anger... whatever. I envy (forgive me Lord) those people who makes a point to add in something to the ever-populated dabayoo-dabayoo-dabayoo.

My former collegues in Manila (well, they still are my collegues since they also belong to the QA team - but i'm in Davao now) have blogs, and I enjoy reading those. I hope that mine will also a readable one... hehe...

Toodooles! :)